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10:36 PM.
" Thursday, April 16, 2009

I’m sorry. For letting you down. For failing your expectations.

Want to hide myself under the blankets, block out the worldly affairs, forget whatever wherever I am, disappear from the face of the earth. Don’t want to have to try mighty hard to give the response everyone expects to hear. Don’t want to think about it. Don’t want to face it. Want to remove whatever connections I have with the outside, block myself from everyone, cloud everyone’s voices and thoughts, mute my inner self. Escape from the inner struggle.

Just, shut. up.

 

 

i really really really want to study with a friend, long-term ;/

i’m lazy to blog. i’ll b/c invisible.



"THE ME .
a bona fide smile




PLEASE... HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING

Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the mask I wear. For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me. Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but don't be fooled.
... I give the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without; that Confidence is my name and coolness is my game; that waters are calm and that I'm in command and I need no one. But don't believe it; please don't.
I idly chatter with you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing, nothing of what's crying within me. So when I'm going through my routine, don't be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying; what I'd like to be able to say; what, for survival, I need to say but I can't say. I dislike hiding. Honestly I do. I dislike the superficial phony games I'm playing.
I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous and me; but you have to help me. You have to help me by holding out your hand, even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need. Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings. Very feeble wings. But wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, I can make it. You can breath life into me. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls, and therein lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive, and I am a child.
Who am I, you may wonder. For I am every man, every woman, every child.. Every human you meet.





Singapore
Singaporean
Chinese
Cantonese
11/10/1993
St. Anthony's Canossian Primary School 1999-2005;
1/2 AL 3/4 GA 5/6 HI
Mini-Tennis
Anglican High School 2006-2009;
1L 2J 3L 4L
Dance Society
JIAQ
POKs
  • Friendster

    JOVYNE CHUA
    24/10/1993
    SACP 2000-2002 1B 2B 3E
    RSS 2002-2005 4/8 5/1 6/1
    AHS 2006-2009 1L 2F 3C 4C
    AHSEDC ex-vice-pres
    JIAQ <333
    Needs:
    #1 JIRO
    #2 CALVIN
    #3 ARRON
    #4 FABIEN
    #5 A-WEI
    #6 WILLIAM
    #7 187
    #2 JIAQ
    #3 DRAMA JUNIORS
    --in her life--

    "WISHES .
    once upon a moon

    JOVYNE WANTS:
    SHIT i can't find my word document with all my WISHES >.<

    BEL WANTS:

    SLEEPOVER
    SPORTS BUDDY
    improving on INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS
    BREAKING DAWN
    LOCK-PROOF journal
    a DUMBBELL
    GOSSIP GIRL dvd
    TWILIGHT book series
    a game of TENNIS

    "CALENDAR .
    upcoming events

    July6 Math Chapter Test
    July7 First Friday mass
    July8 Parent's 2nd Wedding Anniversary
    July16 Recollection

    "SHOUTBOX .
    screaaaaammmmmmmmm


    ShoutMix chat widget

    "CLICKABLES .
    clickidy-clicks


    A
  • Aaron
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    B
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    "PAS T .
    replay please

    November 2008
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    January 2009
    February 2009
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    April 2009
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    September 2009
    October 2009

    "CREDITS .
    say thank you

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