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4:36 PM.
" Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Reason i decided to come blog was because I am thoroughly angry furious, cross, heated, mad (informal) raging, provoked, outraged, annoyed, passionate, irritated, raving,  choked, infuriated, hot, incensed, enraged, ranting, exasperated, irritable, resentful, nettled, snappy, indignant, irate, tumultuous, displeased,  riled, up in arms, incandescent, ill-tempered, irascible, antagonized, waspish, piqued, on the warpath, foaming at the mouth, choleric, splenetic, wrathful, at daggers drawn, in high dudgeon, as black as thunder, ireful.

 

-CENSORES TEXT HERE-

 

My original plan was to arrange for a chat during the meal together and catch-up. But my plans were never fulfilled.

It's my fault for having to make them wait. THEY BLOODY HELL WEREN'T EVEN WAITING FOR ME, I'm just a tool that delayed them. They are just doing ME A FAVOUR.
It's my fault I had to go run some errands before meeting them, which included receiving the x'mas gift from Anna's class and receiving the NEWS THAT SHE WASN'T JOINING US.
It's my fault I EVEN ATE.
IT'S TOTALLY MY FAULT I CALLED THEM OUT TOGETHER.

YES, IT BLOODY HELL WAS MY OWN DAMN FAULT. I brought this upon myself. THANKS FOR TREATING ME THIS WAY.

None of them understood my intention at all..

Inadequate, useless, feeble, poor, sorry, miserable, petty, worthless, meagre, pitiful, woeful, deplorable, lamentable, trashy, measly, rubbishy.

Maybe if i pretend hard enough I will gradually start to believe in it. You know, I value friendship more than studies, but no one knows. I have many interests, but no one knows. I wish to complain all about everyone else, but I cannot find someone I can entrust.

From putting these to words, I found out what I'd become to be, the word I forever shun: INTROVERT.

I may have my expectations, but they are simple to fulfil. Why, oh why, can't it be right for once? I want to be somebody.

Stay strong, bel. You can pull through it and emerge stronger. It's not that you are not worthy of them. They aren't. Miss Right has not appeared yet. But she will.

This time, I wonder what it feels like,
To find the one on this life,
The one we all dream of,
But dreams aren't just not enough,
So I'll be waiting for the real thing,
I'll know it by the feeling,
The moment when we're meeting,
Will play out like a scene,
Straight of the silver screen,
So I'll be holding my own breath,
Right up 'til the end,
Until the moment when,
I'll find the one that I'll find the one,
That I'll spend forever with.

'Cause nobody wants to be last one there,
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares,
Someone to love with my life in there hands,
There's gotta be somebody for me like that,
'Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own,
And everyone wants to know they're not alone,
There's Somebody else that feels the same somewhere,
There's gotta be somebody for me out there.

-Gotta Be Somebody; Nickelback



"THE ME .
a bona fide smile




PLEASE... HEAR WHAT I'M NOT SAYING

Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the mask I wear. For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them is me. Pretending is an art that is second nature with me, but don't be fooled.
... I give the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without; that Confidence is my name and coolness is my game; that waters are calm and that I'm in command and I need no one. But don't believe it; please don't.
I idly chatter with you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that's really nothing, nothing of what's crying within me. So when I'm going through my routine, don't be fooled by what I'm saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying; what I'd like to be able to say; what, for survival, I need to say but I can't say. I dislike hiding. Honestly I do. I dislike the superficial phony games I'm playing.
I'd really like to be genuine, spontaneous and me; but you have to help me. You have to help me by holding out your hand, even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need. Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings. Very small wings. Very feeble wings. But wings. With your sensitivity and sympathy and your power of understanding, I can make it. You can breath life into me. It will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls, and therein lies my hope. Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive, and I am a child.
Who am I, you may wonder. For I am every man, every woman, every child.. Every human you meet.





Singapore
Singaporean
Chinese
Cantonese
11/10/1993
St. Anthony's Canossian Primary School 1999-2005;
1/2 AL 3/4 GA 5/6 HI
Mini-Tennis
Anglican High School 2006-2009;
1L 2J 3L 4L
Dance Society
JIAQ
POKs
  • Friendster

    JOVYNE CHUA
    24/10/1993
    SACP 2000-2002 1B 2B 3E
    RSS 2002-2005 4/8 5/1 6/1
    AHS 2006-2009 1L 2F 3C 4C
    AHSEDC ex-vice-pres
    JIAQ <333
    Needs:
    #1 JIRO
    #2 CALVIN
    #3 ARRON
    #4 FABIEN
    #5 A-WEI
    #6 WILLIAM
    #7 187
    #2 JIAQ
    #3 DRAMA JUNIORS
    --in her life--

    "WISHES .
    once upon a moon

    JOVYNE WANTS:
    SHIT i can't find my word document with all my WISHES >.<

    BEL WANTS:

    SLEEPOVER
    SPORTS BUDDY
    improving on INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS
    BREAKING DAWN
    LOCK-PROOF journal
    a DUMBBELL
    GOSSIP GIRL dvd
    TWILIGHT book series
    a game of TENNIS

    "CALENDAR .
    upcoming events

    July6 Math Chapter Test
    July7 First Friday mass
    July8 Parent's 2nd Wedding Anniversary
    July16 Recollection

    "SHOUTBOX .
    screaaaaammmmmmmmm


    ShoutMix chat widget

    "CLICKABLES .
    clickidy-clicks


    A
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    "PAS T .
    replay please

    November 2008
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    January 2009
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    October 2009

    "CREDITS .
    say thank you

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